Let Yourself Go / Paubaya

#movingon #relationship

"Fight hard and fiercely for the person you love, but after a point, for the good and peace of your own heart, you must learn to concede defeat and withdraw - to recognize clearly when the war you are bleeding for has already been fought and lost." Beau Taplin - The Long War

In 2018, one of the most constant people in my life stopped talking to me. I gave us time, but silence was all I was getting. In the end, I called it quits.

For months, I dwelled on what had gone wrong and what I could have done differently. I wish I knew. I lost a partner, a lover, a best friend, and an adviser.

I went on with my life. I met other people, but it seemed like a part of me had been taken away. I was hurting. I wanted all these feelings to stop, but there is no switch to turn our emotions on or off.

We respond to change differently. I took my time moving forward. There was never an assurance that I was headed in the right direction, but I was certain I had to keep moving. I returned to the places we had been. I talked to people. I went for long walks. I felt every pain. It never stopped; it just hurt a little less.

I always told myself that I needed closure and that I deserved an acceptable reason for what happened to us. There were so many questions left unanswered. Did you fall out of love? Was there someone else? Did I do something wrong? But then I realized I would never know. In the end, I did not need reasons or closure to move on. I just needed time, and I took all the time I could have. Being complete again is not a prerequisite for becoming happy. Happiness can be felt in different ways, regardless of circumstances, complete or incomplete. With the right attitude, we can move on and be happy without being too broken.

When a relationship ends, we often want to assign fault or blame, either to ourselves or to the other person. I blamed no one. I knew I had been in a healthy relationship, and both of us were equally responsible for it. When it ended, I believe we were both responsible.

I am finally able to talk about this without hurting. I no longer ask the same questions over and over. The time I spent with you is a treasured memory that lingers when similar encounters arise, and it puts a smile on my face. I am thankful our paths crossed and will forever be grateful. I suppose we won't be seeing each other for a long time, so please stay well. Be happy and healthy. Wherever you are, I wish you all the best.

TJ Days are officially signing off.